I recently had to make an extremely difficult decision that I did not want to make at all, but it was one of those where you know you are going to be miserable for a while, but happier in the long run. No need to go on about the details, but thank the good heavens for my wonderful mother. Without her I would not be able to do this and stay hopeful for my future. She wrote me an encouraging email and I just want to share a small excerpt from it.

"You know I love you beyond words. You are blessed with a tender heart which loves more, and hurts more. But you are also very, very strong and can survive this. I truly believe that the end of the rainbow is in sight, you're just going to have to forge on.
All my love,
Mom"

I love this woman so much! Thank you mom for mourning with me when I mourn, and comforting me when I stand in need of comfort. You truly are one of the greatest blessings in my life.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to try my hardest to forge on. With my head up.

Black Hearted Friday

It sure has been a while since I have posted anything on here! I would like to say it is because I have been so busy and life has been so magnificently chaotic, but that's really not the case at all. However, with the holiday season now upon us, there is something that I am quite passionate about that I would like to share. Or better yet, there is something that I truly hate with a passion!

Black. Friday. 

Tis the season once again. Let us all join together and give thanks for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year. Let us gather around the dinner table with loved ones and enjoy one of the best heaping piles of food prepared all year long. Ready? Great! Now lets ruin this beautiful holiday and make thousands of Americans forgo their Thanksgiving so that we can shop for the "best deals" of the year that aren't even actually the best deals at all! woohoo! Okay I may not have the gift of words but I think you get my point here. And instead of ranting on about how absolutely absurd the day after Thanksgiving is (and now 6pm on Thanksgiving day thanks to the complaints of customers), I just want to give kudos to one of my already favorite stores. REI.

This wonderful outdoor gear retailer announced its decision to abandon Black Friday, encouraging shoppers to opt-out of shopping and spend time outside. On November 27th they will be closing its 143 stores in hopes to reiterate that "life outdoors is a life well lived”. How amazing is that!? I am in love with every thing about this!! Thank you REI for already being one of my favorite stores, and for taking a bold stance as a retail company on this godforsaken day. I couldn't be more impressed with the message they are sending to the world. I absolutely agree with them, and I too encourage anyone and everyone to spare yourselves from the black bullish*t bonanza and enjoy the beautiful day! To make it even better? Enjoy it outside!

PS.  If you do decide to brave the crowds anyway and join the crazy, try not to get trampled, pepper sprayed, or stabbed. Happy Thanksgiving!

Moab 2015

This year's Moab adventures were filled with surprise hail storms and new sights to see. It is nearly impossible to run out of places to hike in Moab, so we always try to explore a new area. Generally, though, we like to spend at least a day or two in Canyonlands, but this year we ventured to new horizons. 

We crossed rivers in Negro Bill Canyon to a beautiful arch, and took refuge under boulders after hiking to Jeep Arch during a surprise rain storm. 

Sitting in the middle of Jeep Arch

hiking through Negro Bill Canyon

Brinley relaxing by the pool

Jeep Trail (before the rainstorm)

taking refuge under a rock

My mother and I had a reservation to skydive on Tuesday morning, but due to high winds had to reschedule our jump to Thursday morning. This was my third jump, but my mom's first and I was so excited to share this experience with her. That woman isn't afraid of anything. Suiting up, the ascent to 14,500 ft... homegirl was ecstatic and eager as ever to take the plunge, no nerves whatsoever. I don't tend to get butterflies until my legs are out of the plane and I am ready to fly. I went first so I didn't get to see her jump, but she said leaping out was so nerve-racking and it even took her breath away. Finally! She's human! My instructor and I did a few flips out of the plane, and  it was so good to feel that rush of adrenaline again- it has been too long! After free falling for several seconds my instructor gave me the signal and this time I pulled the shoot myself, pretty cool. Taking the handles and spinning the shoot around is easily my next favorite part about skydiving, after the initial jump itself. With a smooth landing I then looked up and got to see my mom enjoying the last few moments of her own flight before she returned safely to the ground. Grinning ear to ear, she said she would definitely do it again. As would I. As will I. 

Brin wanted to skydive

Me and Mama Bear suited up, ready to skydive

I'm so grateful that I get to spend time with my family every year and in such a beautiful place. The only downside to the whole thing is how fast it goes by, I am never ready to leave that playground. Luckily I always have next year to look forward to. Until next time Moab.

MLK Day

Was spent snowboarding.

Pardon My French

As pessimistic and cynical as this is, it drives me bonkers when people make a big fuss over new years resolutions. I really think the reason for this is because in my eyes if you want to better yourself, then don't wait for the new year, do it as soon as you recognize the need for change or improvement! However, the pleasant side of me likes the positivity that new goal setting and soul seeking brings to people. I think it is a wonderful thing that people want to better their lives and push themselves to new heights. 

For me, I would like my 2015 to be filled with love, laughter, family, and adventure. Truthfully, the only goal I have for this year is to become stronger in the gospel. This comes with many small and even big improvements and sacrifices in my daily life that will lead to a more powerful relationship with my Heavenly Father. When I am living the gospel that is when I am truly happy and feel true joy in my life. Life really is simple, but it is also very easy to complicate. I know that by living my life every single day filled with the gospel that 2015 will be the best adventure yet.

7 AM THOUGHTS

WARNING: I just read over this post and it is absolutely not what I intended on writing. It is much more of a rant than anything else, but seeing as how only like 5 people read this I figure I'll leave it how it is.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

It is 7am and I am laying in bed feeling like a big change needs to happen in my life. Again.

It has been two and a half months since I ended my last relationship. An extremely hard decision to do, but I knew it needed to be done. As per usual in any relationship with this broad, it was absolutely amazing...but I knew he wasn't the one. And can I just say how much that sucks?! We spent everyday for almost a year laughing, exploring, adventure seeking, and cuddling. That right there is a perfect recipe for happiness in my book! But as happy and amazing as that was, I knew there was a different plan for me. I miss my best friend everyday still, but I know that I made the right decision.

I look back now at all of my relationships and can only wonder who I am going to end up with...or when it's going to happen. I have had nothing but the very best of relationships with the very best of people, but the Lord has someone or something else for me in mind. Years ago I planned on marrying the man of my dreams, but after months and months of confirmation that he wasn't the one for me, I had to let him go. To this day that was the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. That was five years ago and even right now I am tearing up just thinking about how hard that was and how much that hurt. I have experienced tragedies and death of loved ones, but this was a completely different kind of hurt. I have to thank my Heavenly Father and my family for getting me through that time. My sister and bro in law for letting me sleep at their house for the first month so I wasn't alone, and my mother for letting me call her every single second that I was by myself to cry together. Sometimes I compare this to trials in my life today and think...if I was able to overcome this, then I can get through anything. On the contrary I think, if I ended the thing that made me the absolute happiest in life to gain something even better , then why four years later have I not gotten that? I know that I have lived and loved and gained so much experience and knowledge within the last few years, but I feel more lost now than ever before. I know that the Lord has a plan, but sometimes it is so hard to stick with that plan. 

I know where I am right now in life is where I am supposed to be. It certainly isn't where I want to be, but it is where I should be. Being 25 and single in Provo is the last thing I ever wanted, but obviously I am to gain something from this. And I don't want to make it seem that all my problems would go away once I'm married, but I am someone who loves love and seeks it more than anything else in this world. I truly believe that man and woman are not created whole until they are united with the one they love. I am not holding out on happiness until I get my golden ticket, but that doesn't mean I don't want it very badly. Life is an amazing gift we have been given and I am thankful every single day for the air that fills my lungs. Some days are great, others are bad, but the journey is wonderful. I need to focus all of my attention every single day to do what the Lord would have me do so that I can be where he wants me to be, because essentially that is where I want to be. And for the first time in months, I am hopeful.

Summer Surgery

I was rummaging through some picture on my computer and found some gems from my last surgery.

Over the summer I went home to Washington to have surgery on both legs for Varicose veins (yes, I'm 80 years old).  It was a 2 week process of my mother chauffeuring me across The Narrows so the doctors could put me in weird underwear and draw on my legs . The operation itself involved drilling holes in my legs, one day at a time, then inserting a special wire into six of my veins and physically pulling the vein out of the whole to snip the vein. It is then stitched up and put back into my leg and overtime my body will absorb the vein and the blood that once flowed through those veins will now use other veins to pump the blood. They prescribed me Vicodin and Loratab to take before the procedure, but wouldn't you know it this girl is allergic to Vicodin, so I just took the Loratab and toughed it out. My mother was there both times to hold my hand and watch in fascination as they played with my insides while I squeemed over how gross it felt. 

Connect the dots.

Leg 1 done.

I had to wear compression socks for at least 2 weeks post surgery, and I can promise you I have never had a harder workout than getting those stupid things on and off. The recovery wasn't too bad, but there was quite a bit of pain for a few weeks. Scaring isn't too bad but the thing that bothers me most is the loss of nerves on the insides of both my thighs. The surgeon said the feeling could come back but it is likely that they will remain numb indefinitely. I guess the good thing about that is I can't feel my thighs flapping together when I walk, so in my mind I have a great thigh gap! woohoo!